My Number One Rule About Underwear

For most of my adult life my consumption of clothing was driven by the need to belong to other people, not myself. I purchased clothes I thought would convince others to accept me and that would also help me become more of my authentic self (instead of just being myself in exactly what I wanted to wear.)

In 2017, I found myself in a season of release. Releasing items that were no longer representative of my new self was just as hard as consuming them to be someone else.

I was afraid of losing an identity I had worked so hard to build. I was afraid of losing pieces I might never be able to replace. I was afraid of embracing the beauty and potential of a self that clearing space would allow.

With every piece I clung to, I was confronted with the fear of my new and deserving self — even down to the underwear with holes in it.

I could not get rid of the hole-y underwear. What if I could not afford a new pair?!

Fast forward to late 2018, when I made a public declaration:

I WILL NOT WEAR UNDERWEAR WITH HOLES.

And, I’m not talking about functional holes like in a spandex suit, but those holes that develop over time from mothballs, excessive washing and wear, little threads that decide to come undone and explore a new life on the floor…hole-y underwear that is worn and tired and ready to retire to the garbage can.

I will not be wearing that kind of underwear any longer.

Because wearing underwear with holes is a reminder to myself that I am not worthy of better treatment and care. Wearing underwear with holes further impresses the belief that I will not receive more in a world of plenty. Wearing underwear with holes affirms that I do not deserve.

Today, as I make my way through the dresser drawers and each hanger of the closet during a season of release, I lean into the story of the underwear and the stories I tell myself around deserving/not deserving. Touching each and every piece, I ask myself if holding onto this item is an act rooted in care or fear.

I remind myself that clearing space can occur in steps. It doesn’t have to be done all at once. It’s ok to grieve between layers of the process. It’s ok to take rest. It’s ok to embrace the stories. It’s ok to hold onto something a little while longer. It’s ok to go at one’s own pace. It’s ok to give self-permission to feel –everything. Feeling is Divine.

And may your feelings, your truths, your intuitive knowings guide you on your path to Divine Style.